Trying again

"If I ran the web, you could e-mail dead people. They would not e-mail you back. But you'd get an automated reply. Their name in your inbox. That's all you wanted anyway." ~ Rives

Once again it's been a while between blogs. I've sat down to write plenty of times between the last time and now, but somehow never quite found the words to write about where I'm at. Tonight, I'm trying again.

I've been thinking about missing people and feeling connected a lot lately for several reasons - both joyous and sad. It's been quite a couple of weeks already this year. Weeks in which I've felt very far away. Very much on the other side of the world. And yet it's also been weeks in which I've felt very connected. Very much like "this is where I need to be right now". It's funny how that goes and how they can exist side by side at the same time...

January was a very up and down kind of month for me. On New Year's Day we had the kick-off for The Footprint Challenge, our 40 days of reducing the personal ecological footprint. For me that meant no heater, being hyper-aware of any standby light being on, rediscovering peanut butter to change the habit of putting sandwich meats on my bread for lunch, being really conscious about where my fruit and veggies come from and if they're in season, adding another day of having a vegetarian dinner, and shortening my time in the shower. And although I had a few minor slip-ups during the forty days, I did it! And - not unimportant - most of the new habits have stuck. Even the heater still hasn't been on, despite the temperatures outside dropping to just below zero again over the past week. It was exciting to see we eventually got 900 people to sign up for the challenge with us. All that thought and hard work we put into it paying off :)

Later on in January two special reasons to want to be in Australia came up. One being some sad news from a dear friend that I don't feel is my place to share on this blog. The other being the wedding of my dear hostbrother Seth and his now wife Monique. To not be able to be there for both occasions was harder on me than I thought it would be. It's not like they came up unexpected... Yet when the moment was there and those last two weeks of January arrived, I felt very far away and like I should not be on the side of the world I was on. I guess even when your lives are taking place on opposite sides of the world most of the time, missing the people you love and wanting to be there for them and those milestone moments never goes away. And it's times like that that I'm much more aware of the 16.500 kilometers between Utrecht and Melbourne. Luckily at those times I also have plenty of people on this side of the world to take my mind off of that when I need it =)

February saw the end of The Footprint Challenge and then two weekends ago I also had the final day of the 'Better the World' traineeship it originated from. That final day was once again an intense but beautiful day. The whole traineeship has been an amazing journey. It's been so good for me. When I think back to the first night on the first traineeship weekend at the end of September last year, I am so proud of where I am now five months later. And also so proud of the (sometimes bumpy) roads we of Team Footprint have travelled as individuals and as a team. Of what we have accomplished on both a personal level as well as with our project of The Footprint Challenge. The love, support and talent I've seen and felt within our group of strong and in some ways wildly different people is something that will always be special to me - even now that we are no longer officially 'Team Footprint' and our relationships are bound to change because of that. If only for the fact we won't see each other by default for our two-weekly team meetings... I'm not sure what I expected exactly from this traineeship apart from that it would challenge me, but I know I definitely did not expect this. It's been tough, confronting and challenging, but ultimately also so beautifully awesome, inspiring and good for my soul. I'd do it all over again =)

Now I'm sort of searching what to do with my time now that all the Footprint work has pretty much finished. I've noticed that it's making me a bit restless right now, but I know I'll find my way again soon enough. I'm getting back into the 'actively looking for a new job'-thing again for one, which I put on the backburner for a while during the traineeship. I already have one rejection letter back to add to all the previous ones, but I'm determined to keep the faith that in the not too distant future I will find a more challenging and rewarding job than the one I'm doing now. I've also started running again. Okay, I admit, I only went running once so far last week and because I overdid it I couldn't walk properly for 2 days after from the soreness in my legs. But I'll run again this week, I promise! =) Other than that there are somewhat undefined travel plans that need more defining and a creative idea I've been walking around with for a while now that I might want to work out more in the coming weeks as well. But more about that later. For now I just want to leave you all with a big hug and lots of love. And with this piece of music (http://youtu.be/87L5Zvp4nQw ). Because it's beautiful. Hope you're all well. xx


PS. to my Dutchies: als je meer wil weten over het traineeship of misschien wel zelf wil deelnemen aan een van de volgende edities, ask me anything of kijk zelf op www.verbeterdewereld.org voor meer info. Kan het iedereen aanraden!